Writing it all Down - "Start Over"

For years, as we wrote this blog (and occasionally now as we share snapshots/quick thoughts on instagram) a few kind followers have said that they enjoyed my writing and suggested that we should write a book.  For years I thanked them and laughed it off.  

It’s always awesome to hear that people enjoy reading about our adventures, but I’ve long assumed that any power or quality behind our posts came not from the writing quality but from my willingness to share completely unedited my thoughts, fears and anxieties about life as our story unfolded around us.  

The very idea of having to edit that free flow of thoughts and ideas and emotions into something more formal or cohesive actually felt like the antithesis of what I know writing to be. Add to that understanding the simple fact that I am FAR from a writer, or even a reader for that matter (I think I’ve only read 3 books cover to cover in my lifetime), and it just seemed impossible.  

What do I know about writing a book??

But over the years as the comments came in I would from time to time try and sit down with the idea, occasionally opening a page and writing a title at the top (usually “working title”) and then would proceed to jot down a few words or more often stare at the blank page for a while before scanning though the blog to grab a few example posts from over the years and compiling them into a rough outline to start from.  

That doc quickly grew full of compiled words I’d written before and pages quickly numbers hundreds rather than dozens… but trying to tie them together into anything remotely cohesive (much less concise) would quickly become daunting and my brain repeatedly shut down and moved onto something that felt more achievable.

After we lost our business last year (really, long after that, when i finally gave up the battle of trying to save it from the ex-partner was mostly finished) I obviously had a great deal more time on my hands - and of course a whole new set of emotions/experiences to work through/share. 

Key note here... for those of you who find yourself dealing with/fighting back against a narcissist (I continue to be shocked at how many in our community are now or have been touched/impacted by this) - there is no fighting back and there is no winning. Just cut off all contact, walk away and start over - and even after you feel like you've given up everything, walk further away.

The only goal/win possible here is your freedom/happiness and they will continue stealing that as long as you stick around to let them. Just walk away and regain the peace you had before they tried to steal it from you. Let them paint you as the villian, let them tell their lies and spin their webs... none of it will matter - because you won't be there to hear it (and if you're actively going through this and need an ear please don't hesitate to reach out!).

As time and energy was regained, I noticed pretty quickly (as I think many in our community did) - that the social media posts started getting longer and more detailed again.  I eventually found myself opening up/returning here to the blog (it's long been more of a personal journal/therapy for me than anything else), and from there returning to/opening that terrifying file called “working title” and staring at that white space again for the first time in a while.  

Despite the years since I’d last opened it, I quickly started hitting the same roadblocks as before - so I thought maybe I’d try tackling a smaller project.  My mind snapped back to a draft blog post I had written years before.  It was a simple story, one I’ve caught myself telling in person several times over the years about overcoming my own fears (or at least when trying to describe what that process feels like to me…), and instead of hitting “publish” after writing the draft a few years ago I held onto it.  Not sure exactly why, but feeling like it should be more, or that it might be better suited as a children’s book or an illustrated story to help other's struggling with fears of their own.  

Maybe that’s a better/easier way to “wade into” writing I thought, and started tweaking/editing the words but quickly realizing that editing is very far from my skillset.  It always feels a bit like a kid shuffling the food around on his dinner plate with no interest in eating any of it.  Spilling the words onto the plate is easy for me - cleaning them up into a presentable meal something else entirely. 

Ever one to dodge difficult tasks, my ADHD brain turned instead to trying to pull together some illustrations to pair with that story.  In my mind this part has always been pretty clear as I can imagine every single page and used to imagine finding an illustrator to work with to fill those pages - but while this sounded like a more fun and creative project - I still hit some similar obstacles I’ve run into most of my life.

Art it seems, for me, isn’t so much a creative release as it is an endeavor in fear itself. 

It’s crazy… but as a child who didn’t fit in to any circle and was easily the outcast (the nerd with glasses and an eyepatch, braces and a huge gap between his teeth. The unpopular kid who only missed class when he was locked in the locker by the school bully) and then a few years later labelled or praised as the “artist” - art immediately felt like it had so much weight on it being “perfect” that I have still never been able to find the calming release that other artists find in the process.  That’s a whole different blog post for the artists in this community I’m sure… but for me creating art is somehow just as daunting as that white page with a working title at the top.  

Every few months I’ll circle back around to one or the other and try to dive in, to overcome whatever excuses Ive made not to work on them - but between my ADHD and our rather busy/hectic lifestyle - there were always far too many other things happily taking my attention away for any momentum to gain on either.

One such random morning last year, I woke up feeling the creative juices flowing and rolled over in bed to grab the laptop.  I first tried in vain to flip through a few sketches outlining or sketching the planned illustrations for the children’s book; quickly got lost in decisions about whether the sketches should be hand drawn/sketchy or more of a refined “illustration” style and moved on to the larger book trying to take advantage before the creative energy was snuffed completely.

I opened the doc.  Put the cursor over “working title” and just like many times before I tried on a half dozen name possibilities before scrolling down to the white space below and once again getting lost in the vastness of it all.

As always… I soon surrendered to it, got out of bed to switch on the Starlink (so I could begin doomscrolling, knowing full well it’s in most cases the death of all creativity) and started the coffee.  I delivered a cup to Jen as she stretched on the front deck, paused long enough to soak in the beauty of both her and the sunrise painting her backdrop and returned to bed.

I scroll down through our feed seeing the usual collection of vanlife and boatlife pics, the occasional baby animal video (clearly Jen’s addition to our feed) but one post from a stranger to our feed caught my eye.  

“Looking for 10 co-authors to write a book with me about courage, overcoming fears and turning it into a sensational comeback”.

I read it again, intrigued, and clicked through. I read the description below and sent off a DM.  “Probably wont choose us anyway”, I thought… but we have certainly learned a LOT about overcoming fears - and I learned a long time ago that a deadline is a really good tool for the ADHD and this would clearly give me a “nudge” toward my writing goals.

Imagine our surprise when we got a call a few days later from the organizer of the project, Sir Marco Robinson.  A guy who we had honestly never heard of - but is apparently a pretty big deal in Europe (international best-selling author, filmmaker and self-made billionaire and coach who has also overcome great adversity in his own life to do so) and he asked us to be a part of the project.  

We said yes (as usual, without really knowing much about what we were getting ourselves into)… and over the last couple months as we’ve joined calls and zoom meetings and listened to the other authors read their stories all I can say is that we remain absolutely blown away!

While we question at least weekly whether we belong in this group at all (most of these truly incredible people have overcome more in their lives than we can possibly imagine, only to have turned it around into healing/coaching others, setting up foundations to help those going through similar experiences as them and/or making change to the world on a massive scale).  

I can only describe the people in this group as incredibly inspirational - because stronger words don’t exist to describe them… and we are absolutely humbled and honored to even be in the same conversation with them much less to have our name on the book jacket beside theirs.

The book(s) will be called "Start Over: Turn any Loss into a Sensational Comeback" - and we have grown to believe that this project will be a complete game changer for people looking for inspiration to make change in their own life story, which is obviously something that has compelled us to share our story for years.  

The project (which honestly feels more like the beginnings of a movement) has now grown to a series of 10 books of authors each telling their personal story of starting over for the first time, as well as a series of live launch events and a new podcast called “How to Be a Hero in Real Life”.  

We’ve walked away from every weekly meeting having cried ugly tears, laughed and celebrated together… and at this point cannot wait for the first book to come out soon and/or to meet some of these absolute heroes in real life!

We will talk more about this here as the launch grows closer, but if you’re interested in learning more or buying the book featuring our story/chapter click here to pre-order and stay informed about live launch events.

While we still don’t have a clear vision about the larger book telling our full story/adventure (so far), we are more committed to doing it than ever - and this chapter/project has served as the much needed nudge for it.  Like everything else we’ve chosen to do - knowledge/experience isn’t something you start a journey with… its something you discover along the way.

I also continue working on the children’s/illustrated book and will be sharing more here for feedback and help with the illustrations/mood/storyline, etc - so if you haven’t yet subscribed, please follow along for more here or for daily posts/updates on our instagram.

All of this is still VERY far outside our comfort zone here… but thats also usually where the magic happens.  Wish us luck!!