Sitting at (another) Crossroads

Here we are again.

It has happened a handful of times in the last 12years (since we broke free of the rat race and ran away to chase freedom and happiness)... but sometimes massive shifts in our world leave us sitting at what feels like a big crossroads with big choices to make as we decide what we want next and where we want to be in a few years.

A deep set of conversations about where we are, what we want and where we’re going.

They often (though not always) seem to involve money and finances… which seems understandable since we quit our jobs and left the rat race in our 30s (without a plan and with only a year or two savings stashed away).

This one is no different.  The last couple years, while spent in locations that absolutely light us up - have not been kind to us financially. 
2023 and 2024 were tough years... I'm not going to sugar coat it.

The one-two punch of expensive boat repairs and losing our business and livelihood to a narcissist business partner (and the legal fees spent trying to save it) not only had a big emotional hit on us, but frankly evaporated our savings and took away our primary income stream.  

Pair that with the fact that we are sitting in French Polynesia… easily one of the most expensive places imaginable when we are eventually forced to shop for anything - and we find ourselves having to admit that we have a sustainability issue.  We also are staring down the last few months here before our visas expire, which would have forced some of these conversations in short order regardless.

So, where are we?
Physically, we are sitting in our “happy place”. Inside a remote uninhabited atoll exploring the beauty and nature of palm lined beaches and coral reefs that few humans have ever seen.  This, and the fact that we are together/healthy (generally) - despite the stresses or hurdles discussed before, is why we still remain enormously grateful for what we have and blissfully happy (which has always been the exact goal of conversations like these).

Why the topic of change then?

Our 2 year visa expires in April (3 short months from now), and while there’s a chance we could extend our visa, the boat is not allowed to stay.  It either has to leave and return (a very difficult option when sitting in one of the most difficult set of islands to sail to (short of simply circumnavigating… no big deal), or we have to import the boat (at a very hefty fee).

That combined with the above-mentioned status of our finances combined with the very harsh reality of how incredibly expensive it is to live here (despite buying literally nothing other than staple food and drink items and boat parts once every couple of months)… leaves us in a place where we simply have to admit that a choice/change is required.

What are our options?
Luckily, options abound, and the more we talk the more we realize that as disappointed as we are to admit anything has to change, we can also get onboard and excited about many of the potential paths forward (or at least, about some of the potential destinations).

I think this is actually one of the key benefits to this lifestyle, and the fact that we find ourselves having these conversations because of it.  I can understand why the idea of running out of money and not having the “security” of a massive retirement plan that was put in place for a pre-planned lengthy retirement is understandably scary or even foolish to many people.  I get it - it was one of my biggest fears for dozens (at least) of blog posts in the early years of this very blog.

But - I consider us so fortunate that we not only don’t have to worry about any fears of not making it to that finish line (of retirement age), but we also GET TO constantly check in with ourselves about what truly makes us happy.  This is something we’ve done so often throughout our relationship and our lives together that its actually a rule - to wake up each morning and ask ourselves and each other if we are fully happy, and if we aren’t we move/change/shake things up.

In this case the issue is simply that the answer to that question is a resounding “YES!”… except the tiny detail that we can’t afford to stay.

Which means - we've been doing a lot of talking, dreaming, goalsetting and generally trying to figure out where to go from here. A lot of whiteboarding was in order (except that we don't own one), so we ended up sticking all the thoughts/ideas/paths we could conceive of to the fridge so that we could live and interraxct with them for several days.

This has actually become a pretty large part of how we discuss and decide things as a couple over the years... gives us a nice visual to work from and make sure that everything is front and center for our discussions.

We jumped outside our comfort zone last week and recorded a "live" on instagram last week to talk about if you're interested.

Option 1 - Staying here
and importing the boat.
This is a path we’ve long considered... almost as soon as we arrived if I'm honest.

We love these islands and we love our floating home, so obviously its easy to imagine trying to make it last as long as possible… but contrary to countless angry posts/comments over the years from others, there is no trust fund to cash in nor benefactor to call for more money.  At some point the spreadsheets tell us that after the fees to import the boat we would have a very short timeline indeed before literally not being able to eat.

Option 2 -  Sail Onward

This is exciting simply because of the destinations that lie ahead.  The cook islands, Tonga, Fiji, Australia/NZ… these are places we once considered options for a once in a lifetime trip (likely a honeymoon) only.  We are thrilled to have the opportunity to visit and explore them - but also now know and understand so much more about cyclone season and at least the islands on that list are smack in the middle of the zone, which for most people means moving through in a single season.  We could continue forward and ignore the financial questions - but at some point we are simply setting ourselves up for failure, which means not only being forced to sell Karma once we reach AUS or NZ, but also having very little runway for whatever then comes after.

Option 3 - Selling svKarma

(it still hurts to type it or say it out loud). 
This is actually the path we planned/assumed when we first moved aboard, so its truly incredible how negatively we both react to this now.  We thought we were buying a boat to check off a lifelong dream of teaching ourselves to sail while exploring tropical islands for a couple years… we certainly never pictured sailing across an ocean nor extending it past a few years, but this is where we are.

This path seems to lead to multiple branches (as paths most often do).  

- Vanlife (exploring by road again).  

Obviously this is where our journey started and we’ve always assumed we’d find ourselves back on wheels and exploring again.  I’ve always kept designing our future van or expedition vehicle in the background while I worked on designs for other’s homes on wheels and the project itself still sounds like a lot of fun (much less the adventures it would lead us to - likely starting with exploring AUS and NZ… which has also always been high on our list).

The negatives here - the cost of building out the vehicle, the fact that (especially NZ) gets cold! I know, I know - I feel weak even writing it down… but let’s be honest, we’ve now been living very near to the equator for six years now.  We both own no clothes that aren’t intended for swimming in and frankly, we’ve adapted/settled into that quite nicely.

Biggest concern/fear as we talk more about this path - is simply the separation from the ocean.  In our early years of living in/traveling by van we found ourselves often camping near the beach/ocean, and Im sure another journey would be no different - but we’ve also become accustomed to literally stepping off the back of the boat and being at thriving reefs or open ocean with pelagics.  While a van or larger expedition vehicle can take us to many things - that is a loss we continue to struggle with, which simply feels like it might not be the right option - yet.

- Move to land (on or near the ocean).
Otherwise know as “Live on Bonaire”.

We have talked earlier about (of all the 100s of islands we’ve explored) about how Bonaire for us seems to be the closest we’ve found to perfection IF we have to live on land.  Thriving reefs accessible from shore, a small community and frankly a very easy life of driving to the store, walking to the ocean, etc while still being OUT of the hurricane/cyclone zones.  

Oddly, due to the reno project we tackled during covid - this is among our best possible options financially.  That actually still full on blows the mind… this island, the one we first visited as a couple in the early years of our relationship, fell in love with and couldn’t imagine ever being lucky enough to afford living on much less visiting every year even when we both had good jobs/incomes - is now our most affordable “backup plan”.

That… is absolutely mind-boggling.

The problem?  We simply aren’t ready for it yet.  We picture that as the place we settle into a life of slow-living and snorkeling out to say hello to the underwater neighbors before retuning to the balcony to watch the sunset. While it sounds lovely (that is the point), I think it’s our version of a retirement plan in our older/mellower/easier years - and we don’t feel like we’re done exploring just yet.  This option keeps getting set to the side as just what it is - a backup plan.  As far as worse-case scenarios go, it’s a pretty great one, which is also why the quickly-discussed option of selling our little condo on the sea there also gets quickly dismissed… we know we aren't ready for it just yet, but we’ve also yet to find something that’s a more perfect option for those “later years”.

-Homesteading
or designing/building a modern palapa home on an island.

We can easily get onboard with this path.  The design project alone sounds amazing (it’s been a while since we’ve had a fun architectural design/reno project).  Having an(other) island home to experience/compare to Bonaire sounds epic, and there are still so many places we yearn to explore!  When we pair this with the further-fetched idea/dream of building multiple palapas, inviting like-minded friends or neighbors and starting a creative community on that island - wow.  Mind blown!

The problem(s)?   Where is this place?  We haven’t yet been to another island that screams “home” to us and as mentioned before, thanks to our having grown accustomed to being VERY connected to the ocean under our current home - this is a pretty high bar to set, and typically an expensive problem to solve (in the buying, but well before that even in the researching phase).  This is actually part of what we envision our time aboard as - visiting and researching islands to find our next home/phase, but…

As you can see, that also brings us back around to the financial issues.  Most people don’t start a conversation by saying they’re out of money and then discuss wanting to build an oceanfront home on a tropical island… but we long ago admitted that we aren't most people.  ;)

It’s a solid indication of how these conversations go for us if Im honest.  An absolute scatterplot of ideas/dreams/goals and obviously some limitations and hurdles thrown in along the way - but those hurdles aren’t walls.  They don’t stop the conversation or keep us from trying to figure what we most want if there was nothing else in the way.  I cannot express how important this is, or has become to us (and should be to ANYONE trying to figure out what their absolute best life looks like).  All paths forward in life come with constraints/limitations - but if you immediately rule out an idea/dream/path forward because of “x”, then you already doomed yourself to never finding a way to get there.

This is often why we dream/plan in writing.  Best case scenario on a whiteboard (which we don’t have) or taping things to the wall (which we did).  Putting ideas in a visual array that you then spend several days looking at, adding to, moving around and interacting with is a critical part of moving those impossible to overcome issues and thinking about them as simply a list of problems/puzzles to solve along the way.  

No dream should be too big or too impossible that it doesn’t at least make it onto the “big board”… which is why we both laughed outloud but also weren’t terribly surprised when the card got taped to the wall that said 

-“Buy a new Boat”

Obviously this is the most exciting of the paths currently on the board - but also the most difficult to see a path toward.  We absolutely LOVE svKarma, which considering we bought her sight unseen, had never spent time on boats of any kind and had absolutely ZERO idea what we were doing - is truly impressive.

We also can finally admit that a new/different boat would be really fun, and we’ve come around more and more to the idea of wanting to share our experiences more with others, which is not only a fun opportunity to see our lifestyle though the eyes of others, but a potential to making some money along the way.  Whether it’s simply sailing trips/vacations with members of our community or potentially reviving the idea of onboard “Breakaway Retreats” (which some of you may recall we were in the process of starting just before the pandemic forced our first guests to cancel  their trips). Seems like a lifetime ago and a world away.

Anyway - that’s the current exhaustive list of potential paths (so far).  We are still throwing things on the wall to see what sticks.  At one point we even discussed using a single piece of tape for all the cards and seeing what was left after mother nature blew the rest off the wall while we sail to the next atoll.  Seems very fitting on one hand since mama nature in the end gets final say in everything - but also just feels like us trying to avoid a decision. ;)

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In the meantime, we continue work behind the scenes on the financial issues.  This is a bit of a brainstorming session on its own (and combined with the one above) as we try to figure out how to replace our lost income while still living this lifestyle we love, and have also been continuing the projects we already started:

• We continuing to work setting up/building the new version of of our van building/DIY kit business as best we can from a few thousand miles away.  This is no easy task as the ex-partner was insistent that we couldn’t use any name/brand/photos/videos from the old business (despite most/all of that being created before he was around).  This means effectively a startup from scratch despite having started one of the most recognizable and trusted brands in the industry (deep sigh).  That said, I have been humbled and truly amazed at how deep a few current clients have scoured the internet in order to find us, seek us out and work with us.  Some cool van build projects underway for some amazing clients - and that gives me hope that this little passion project started out of our van years ago will find a way to survive and (eventually) to thrive.
  
• Our house back home (technically Jen’s house, as we sold mine during the financial pinch caused by covid) has been listed for sale for much of the last year.  It's also a hard/difficult choice for us… Portland has always been our home base - but at this point we’ve only been back once in six years and it gets harder every year to imagine there’s any path forward that has us living there again (unless Portland somehow becomes oceanfront, which is pretty difficult to hope for).  Clearly not the best housing market and we’ve already had to drop the price a few times - but sending good energy that way as it would open a few doors and at the very least add some padding to every potential path forward.
  
• We also continue investigating and trying new things, one of which is writing (more formally/publicly rather than just the stream-of-consciousness journal that this has always been).  We’ve committed to a couple exciting projects coming up - more about those soon… but also expect more posts here now that there’s a bit more free time (and I realize how much Ive missed it).

Another shift that we’re working hard on - is simply getting out of our own way.  

Trying to break free from the mental box we’ve built ourselves into around money over the years (which somehow mostly means saying no to accepting any of it, even when others offer to help and/or when helping others for free).  Also probably worthy of it’s own post/rambling - this one has gotten long enough already (understatement)...

For now - the planning and evaluating what we want “next” continues.

If you have any great ideas/options we didn’t stumble upon yet - please comment below or reach out for a conversation. 
There are NO BAD ideas!!